Before I begin, I want to point out that I have no problem being called out on any bad behavior. I'd like to think of myself as generally a nice person, but being a part of the human race I acknowledge that I'm capable of dumbass mistakes -- and I've made past fuck-ups that to this day still find cringe-worthy, and others I-to-want-smash-my-head-on-my-desk
worthy. And seriously, guys, if you have any beef with me, over something I've done or said, especially if it's so offensive you carry a year's-long grudge against me, I invite you to approach me over the matter (preferably via notes) and I will gladly offer my apologies for hurt feelings and try my best to see with you eye-to-eye. Really, I'd be cool with it, I swear!
However, what I DON'T find cool, is when someone takes something I've said or done, magnifies the ever-loving crap out of it by inserting their own revisions to the actual truth so they could not-so-cleverly shoe-horn it into a public question meme with the intentions of slandering me and my friend.
Just like theCau has done here. Link
I don't like to resort to journal call-outs. They're typically ugly, and it's my least favorite method of addressing problems I have with people because I tend to avoid extending drama beyond what is necessary. I've long since blocked theCau from my page and have done my best to shrug off this person's ongoing monthly public jabs toward people (This is the first one against me; another toward a friend who requested they not be named, and the rest are geared mainly toward their ex-girlfriend, Zerna) with the hopes that the Cau-problem would eventually lose interest and go away...as do some problems if you wait long enough....but alas, here I am..doing my first and hopefully last public attempt to put an end to this abuse once and for all.
So, basically, a year ago, I defended these pictures: link
,their artist, and the female character's owner, against an anonymous commenter.
(As a side note, the account was made literally very first day one of these images was posted, and, with evidence to support it, is suspected by multiple people to be Chiiasa, or theCau,herself)
First, theCau suggests that Zerna "glorifies" the actual act of rape because she and FreakyVicky (and I, for that matter) both find the artistic depiction
of an obsessed fangirl stalking Tex funny. Making light of this content does not mean we actually condone
this behavior. One's sense of humor and tastes in satire don't necessarily mirror their actual moral standpoints in society. To me, it's like saying Jhonen Vasques condoness actual kidnapping, murder/slaughter, child abuse, nailing bunnies to the wall, etc. based on his work. Which is very condescending to assume that of someone, in my opinion.
Next, theCau insists that Zerna and I "attacked" SEVERAL
commenters expressing their concerns whereas we only acknowledged a single person
, because literally, it was just a single person who criticized Zerna's and Vicky's subject matter. Proof here: Link Link
TheCau also refers to my comment as an example of how I disrespected the commenter in question, which was partly true. However, theCau's argument falls flat when she deliberately misinterprets the context and meaning of my statement in the last sentence of my reply, my second comment on FreakyVicky's deviation. She put words into my mouth as if I had said "I was abused but you need to get over your abuse, you whiner". (Direct quote from the Cau.)
Here is my actual comment: link
(If you notice it edited, I corrected a redundancy mistake shortly after I posted it a year ago.)
Allow me to explain myself. First of all, the commenter wasn't speaking from their own experience, but from that of a third party. And the only reason I brought up my abuse experience was to simultaneously show sympathy
and defend the expression of art, not abuse itself, from the standpoint of an actual abuse
victim. It's a pet peeve of mine when individuals marginialize real abuse victims by speaking on their behalf to prove a point and push an agenda.
Bottom line: Was I disrespectful? Certainly. Who am I to ridicule someone for their opinion on certain humor? And I regret jumping in too brashly where I should've just done the mature thing and let the person be. Although, in my defense, I want to point out that when a someone publicly brings up the topic of censorship on an art site amidst people who enjoy the artists' work for what it is
, they automatically open themselves up for debate. And though the person was entitled to comment with whatever they wish, they could've made better use of their complaints via a private message to the artist herself, or anonymously take it up with Deviantart's staff if they felt the images violated the site's submission poilicy.
In Essence: Yea, I feel bad for my unneccesary harshness in those coments, and have learned since then, but at the same time, the situation was blown out of proportion. I felt my responses were immature at the very worst -- but theCau insists that I caused her to "hit an all-new low in the faith of humanity"......
Gee, Cau, if you were so embarassed
of me as a friend, why didn't you bring this up during the course of our friendship so we could have discussed this sooner? You know, before I blocked you?
I believe it's worth mentioning now that Cau was someone I once considered a dear friend. And I'd like to think that at one point the feeling was mutual-- as I recollect the good ol' days of our long Yahoo chats, spending hours enthusing about interests and our characters, creating art for eachother, cracking jokes and derping around in Guild Wars, etc. There were those "rainy day" times as well, particularly after Cau went through a difficult breakup with her girlfriend, Zerna, after which I did my best to provide Cau with comfort and lend her my ear whenever she needed to vent--I listened and considered everything she said, though I was trying my best to stay neutral in the matter.
I stuck around as long as I could -- until Cau's bitterness from her breakup festered and boiled over into full-blown vindictiveness...and the drama quickly escalated from there, as it seemed like every time I talked to Cau, there was a new accusation against Zerna over how horrible a person she was and why I should no longer be her friend...each allegation worst than the last. One of the big one's was Cau's claim that Zerna sexually abused her, and back then, I immediately took it as the gospel, because it always it's shaky ground for me to question an abuse victim. These accusations sent me through a tailspin of emotions, because on one hand I didn't want to believe that one of my closest friends, Zerna, was that malicious, and on the other, I couldn't ward away my suspicions.
Eventually, I figured out that many of these claims were exaggerations...some complete fabrications...to the point where I didn't know what was true anymore, and finally the friendship became so toxic from all the dishonesty that I had to get out, as I began to feel like I was being manipulated into choosing sides.
So, I cut ties with Cau as cleanly and (as nicely) as I could.
But, apparently, nothing's nice enough for someone whose Achilles' heel is rejection.
Does it make you feel good, Cau, to vindictively tear people apart when they leave you (like you've done to me and Zerna) in order to build yourself up as some righteous paragon?
Is it so difficult accept you're in the wrong at times?
Is it so earth-shattering to realize that you can't control other people and situations and that you can't make the world bend to your whim?
Accept that you make mistakes like the rest of us squishy meat-bags.
Here are links to other journal's, with people with similar experiences with this person, and have laid out the entire event revolving around how they wrongly demonized Zerna:
Finding a Voice.Disclaimer
There are already a few of these, or there will be, posted roughly the same time. I can't speak for anyone other than myself, aside from pieces of information I've been given permission to share. I am, and have wanted to, post this for two reasons. One, because I haven't been able to stomach going about life pretending I wasn't part of this, that I wasn't so extremely wrong and ashamed of my actions. Two, because I didn't want the main person all of this affected to do all of this alone. I only waited this long out of respect for her, as this involves some intensely personal information that is uncomfortable to talk about. But Zerna is ready to do that talking, and I'm ready to make up for my mistakes.
State of Mind
In truth, I want to explain exactly what was going on in my head when I met Chiiasa, and by extension, TheCau, mid summer of last year. However, anything I write just feels like one long excuse, and I'm so v
Decision*EDIT* I understand this person has things to say, but due to them actively harassing my watchers and commenters in this journal, I am blocking them to spare people the temptation of actively engaging. *END EDIT*
I think it’s about time I touch on something that’s been festering in my life for almost 9 months now, which is 9 months longer than it should have been festering. It’s taken a nasty toll on my closest friends, around 5-6 people, and several others with looser connections have been inevitably sucked into this whirlpool of unnecessary, poisonous drama. To everyone reading this, please don’t get involved in any of this; don’t go and make comments or troll, or take it upon yourselves to make aggressive responses. This isn’t a ‘go and attack’ journal. This is a ‘for your general knowledge of a person and finally reveal some ongoing harassment in my life’ journal.
This ordeal resulted in me briefly losing the trust of my c